Write it down and get busy!!

Wow...is it really almost February??    I don't know about you, but I have always struggled with January.  In one sense, it's an exciting time thinking about all that the new year holds, but it can also be a downer month after all the festivities of the months prior.  I absolutely love the holidays and all the hustle and bustle so when life slows down, I really don't like it.  The fact that I live in Ohio, which can be very dreary and cold in Jan, Feb, Mar, and even April can make it that much harder for me.  I learned a long time ago that I need sunshine...and lots of it!!  The good news is that it's actually been a very mild winter here so far, which has been great!!  The sun has come out quite a bit and it's not been unbearably cold....although things have changed in the last week to snow and cold....I guess I knew it would happen eventually:)

I'm not really one who sets New Years resolutions.  I do spend time reflecting on the past year and thinking of things I can improve on in the coming year...so in a sense, maybe that's making resolutions, but I guess I just don't call it that.  I do know that the gym I go to is always more crowded from the first of January till mid February so a lot of people do make resolutions to get in shape....seems like that's always the BIG resolution for people and that's great, but why don't people stick with it then?  I know some do, but it seems the vast majority don't.  Maybe it's because people don't see results as fast as they want to and it's hard so they give up.  Isn't anything in life that's worth achieving going to take time and be hard though??  I have to remind myself of that when I set goals and don't feel like I'm achieving them as fast as I'd like to.  There are times that I want to give up on my goals....I get frustrated and tired....I struggle with belief in myself that I can do it....I feel inadequate or undeserving....BUT then I look back at last year and see how far I've come and know that I want to do even better this year!!  Just like when I exercise, I know that it's a daily process.  I don't get in shape and stay in shape by going to the gym every once in a while or just when I feel like it,  and I definitely don't get in shape by just thinking and dreaming about it...I do it by going to the gym several times a week and being consistent.  It's hard...I have weeks that I don't do as well as I'd like to....and I'm not always in the shape I want to be in, but I know that it pays off to stick with it...and I have for many years now.  

I know that having goals is a good thing...I'm always thinking about my goals and talking about them, but it's been said that when you put your goals in writing and make them realistic and attainable, they're more likely to happen and to be honest, I'm not always good at doing that.  When I've trained for half marathons (and it's been a while since I have...dumb injuries:), I've printed out a training schedule and put it on my fridge so I knew what to do every day for the 12 weeks leading up to the race.  I knew that if I followed the schedule that when it came time for the actual race I'd be prepared,  finish and hopefully even beat my personal record.  It takes time and hard work to get to the race...but it's so worth it to cross the finish line!!  I want to make this more of a focus in other areas of my life as I continue my countdown to 40....writing out a plan and working on it daily.  There's a saying I've heard that is so true... "the reason people quit something is because they look at how far they have to go instead of looking at how far they've come"...by breaking down my goals and writing out a plan, it makes it seem more attainable and not so overwhelming.  I've come a long way and 2012 holds a lot of exciting possibilities!!   I better get busy!! :-)    
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2012...a new chapter in our lives

& Happy New Year!!

I can't believe it's January 2012!!  We had a great Christmas traveling to spend time with family and friends!  I honestly can't believe it's January already!!  


We had the opportunity to be a part of a really fun Christmas surprise this year for my 13 year old niece.  My twin brother called about a month before Christmas and told us he'd found a breeder of Shorkie (Shitzu & Yorkie) puppies in Mount Vernon and that Morgan (my niece) wanted one.  We went and looked at the puppies and helped pick one out.  As well, we agreed (well really offered:) to bring the puppy to Oklahoma City on our way to Dallas for Christmas with Scott's family.  About a week before we were heading out of town, we decided to go pick her up so we could enjoy some time with her before leaving town.  We absolutely fell in love with Maggie!!  She was the most adorable little thing and we did not want to say goodbye to her.  I didn't realize it would be so hard!!  I took videos and pictures of her like I would one of my kids....it was crazy!! 

Isn't she cute???

Sleeping on Scott's arm while he was driving:)

The whole time we had her I had to keep telling myself, "she's not mine, she's not mine, she's not mine!"  I would have kept her if I could have, and so would've the rest of my family!!  I honestly think if it weren't for the fact that our dog, Max, really wasn't fond of having another dog around, we'd have been tempted to go get her sister:)  Of course, I do know puppies are a lot of work though.  It was definitely like having a baby around...I had to watch her all the time.  I had to take her outside constantly to try and get her to go potty...and she'd still potty in the house now and again.  If I wasn't careful, I'd step on her because she followed me everywhere and she was so tiny.  And she'd cry every time I put her in her kennel, which killed me!!  I really didn't mind taking care of her though, and as we drove away without her, as excited as we were for my brother and their family, we were really sad to not have her with us anymore.  I mean, we knew she wasn't ours to begin with, but we loved her!!

As I think about 2012 and what we have going on in the next year, at the front of my mind is Cody graduating and us having to drop him off at college next fall.  Honestly, I get teary eyed just thinking about it....I'm so not ready!!  I love having him in our home and being his mom...I'm so proud of the young man he's becoming!  I know that next year there will be a void in our family and it makes me so sad.  I hate to compare the thought of leaving my son, who we've raised since birth, at college...to leaving a puppy, that we had for less than a week.  It's obviously not the same thing, but bear with me for a minute:)  In much the same way that I had to keep telling myself that the puppy wasn't mine, I got to thinking that Cody, although my son, is really not mine either.  God gave him to us to raise him and help prepare him to go out into the world and make a difference.  When he was just a newborn baby, we stood before the church and dedicated him to the Lord.   He's a child of God, who's been entrusted to us for a short time.  I love my boys more than life itself and would do anything for them, but I know the time is coming (much sooner and faster than I'd like) that I'll need to release them and pray that they make wise decisions about their future as they venture out on their (almost:) own.  


So, although I'm sad to think that 2012 is the year that our family dynamics will change with Cody going away to college, I'm happy for him and know he's going to do great things with his life!!  I know God will use him to bless others as he has, and continues to, bless our family.  So, through spending a week with a cute little puppy, I have been reminded that all will be ok in the coming year...I just need to keep telling myself in the times when I struggle with letting him go, "he's not mine, he's not mine, he's not mine."   Happy New Year!!   

Under construction...

Old shower

Bathroom before

vanity

When we moved into our house over three years ago, I wanted to remodel our kitchen and master bathroom and we're finally doing it!!  The kitchen wasn't a huge remodel...just new granite and a few new appliances, but the bathroom has been a bigger project.  They started tearing everything out of it last Monday (talk about a dusty mess!!), but should be finished by the end of this week...I'm so excited to see it finished and will post pics when it is!!  As is often the case it seems, once they got the wall torn down they found some problems underneath that needed to be dealt with before they could move on and finish the project (aka more money:).  Had we not had the wall torn down, we would have never known what was under it that could have eventually caused us problems.      

I got to thinking last week as the project began and this week as they are working toward finishing it  about my life and how it has, in many ways, resembled our bathroom remodel.  I know that may sound weird, but sometimes things like this come to me so I'm sharing:)  In the last several years of working through the many scars and hurts in my life, I feel much as though it's been a tearing down and  rebuilding process.  For over 25 years I built up walls so that no one could see that everything wasn't perfect in my life.  On the outside it seemed everything was great, while on the inside there was so much pain and hurt.  Breaking down the walls was a messy process to be real honest.  I didn't like who I'd become and was emotionally exhausted.  Just like when they were tearing everything out of my bathroom and found some things behind the walls that needed repaired before they could move on, there was much more in my life that needed fixed than I realized.  I had built walls so high and so thick that I didn't even realize what was behind them until I got real honest with myself and allowed them to be broken down.  It was a humbling and hard experience to go through, but in looking back, it had to be done so I could start the rebuilding process again.

The rebuilding process has been slow, but steady.  I'm in a better place in my life now because I chose to let the walls come down and get honest with myself about what was behind them.  I'd love to say that the remodel in my life is complete, but I'm still a work in progress and always will be:)  I will never be perfect and I'm ok with that...it's a very freeing place to be.   I've learned that God is the only one who can heal the brokenness in my life...no person or possession can do that for me.  I've been in the process of changing from my desire to please others,  to focusing on the One in my life who has changed me.  I want to live my life in such a way that God is pleased...not focusing on what once was that can't be changed or what others think of me, but how God sees me and loves me unconditionally.  So, in my countdown to 40,  the 8th thing I've learned from my past is that by breaking down the walls in my life and really focusing on fixing what's behind them,  I've been able to start the rebuilding process from a much stronger foundation.   It's been so freeing and I'm so thankful for where I am today!!   From now on when I see signs that say "under construction" it will be a reminder to me that I am:)

Wall torn out

No more wall:)

new shower tile...corner seat and nook

Love it!!

I'll post more when the bathroom is finished, but below are the kitchen pics....I love it!!

        

Laughter really is the best medicine!!!

My brothers....Tim (my twin on the left) and David on the right:)

I absolutely love to laugh!!  I especially love laughing till I can't breathe...you know what I'm talking about...those times that you're stomach muscles are sore and your mouth hurts the next day:)  This is what happened over the Thanksgiving weekend.  We rented a house on a lake about an hour West of St. Louis with my brothers and their families for the holiday.  It was perfect...it's about half way for us to all meet there and the place we stayed was absolutely amazing!!  The weather was beautiful and the kids (and adults) always had something to do with a full finished basement that had a pool table, foosball table, poker table, and a 110 inch projection TV with theater seats.  Watching football on it was awesome and, of course, the boys enjoyed playing video games on it as well:)   The kids would get up in the morning and head straight to the basement, only coming upstairs to eat and sleep it seems:)  We had the best time...as we always do when we get together!  It was so nice to just relax and spend time enjoying each others company...it was a much needed mini vacation!!    We're already planning another trip there:)

On the way home I noticed that my stomach muscles were actually sore and realized it had to be from laughing so much....unless all the food I consumed stretched my stomach out:)  I can't remember the last time I laughed so much...it was great!!  Between my brothers and Scott there was never a dull moment.  That's how it always is when we all get together.  I guess you could say that I'm easily entertained anyway, but they really are funny!!  It doesn't take much to get me laughing so, of course, they take every opportunity to do just that!  The fact that Scott makes me laugh like my brothers always have is a huge reason why I fell in love with him.  I love to be around people who are lighthearted and full of joy!

Sometimes I feel like life gets so busy and serious that I don't spend near enough time laughing like I used to.  I  think too often I become so distracted with things that I need to get done or circumstances in life that I allow it to consume me and keep me from finding joy in the little things.  I know that laughter is truly therapeutic for me...it makes me feel good!!  This past weekend was a great reminder that I need to not take life or myself too seriously.  Most people who know me would probably say that they don't see me that way, but I have come to see it in myself over the last several years and realize I like myself better when I'm laughing and enjoying life.

So the 7th thing on my countdown to 40 that I've learned is that laughter truly is the best medicine.   Laughing with others and at myself makes life so much more enjoyable!!  Laughter can turn a bad day into a great day...sadness to gladness...and tears into a smile.  I'm thankful for an amazing weekend with my family and the memories that will continue to bring a smile to my face for years to come:)  I feel blessed beyond what I deserve!!

Don't worry about tomorrow....

Since I became a mom over 18 years ago my biggest source of worry has been my kids.  When they were babies I would go into their rooms while they were sleeping and put my hand on their backs and listen to make sure they were still breathing.  When they were toddlers I would worry about them falling down the stairs.  When they started school I would worry about them making friends and fitting in.  When they started playing sports I would worry that they would get hurt.  When they became teenagers I would worry that they would start hanging out with the wrong crowd and get into trouble.  When Cody started driving I would worry every time he left to go somewhere and would make him call me or text me as soon as he arrived somewhere....and if he forgot, you better believe I'd be calling so I could make sure he was ok.  And now with Cody getting ready to go away to college next year, I find myself already starting to worry.  As a mom, I don't think that I'll every quit worrying about my kids. 

Since I lost my mom at the age of 12, I have always worried about something happening to me and my kids being left without a mom because I know how hard that was for me.  It may sound weird, but it's been a very real struggle for me.  With every ache and pain I had, I could dream up something terrible that was wrong with me and that it was going to kill me....the invention of Google didn't help things because then I could diagnose myself based on my symptoms over the internet:)  When I fly somewhere I just know the plane might go down every time there is turbulence:)  I always hug on my kids before I leave to go out of town, even if just for a couple of days.  I also worry about something happening to Scott and being left a single mom.  It's silly I know, but true none the less.  I always tell him to be careful when he leaves to drive somewhere.  He's used to it and just laughs and shakes his head.  I guess I just know how life can change in an instant...it's happened to me.      


Sometimes I worry or stress about insignificant things that really aren't even that big of a deal.  I have to remind myself that there are much more important things to worry about.  I always tell Scott that it's a good thing he's not a worrier because I do it enough for the both of us:)  I actually am much better about this than I used to be...I even think my husband would agree.  We had something unexpected come up in the last few months that in the past would have made me sick with worry, but I really was at peace in the midst of it.  Scott even noticed and commented several times on how well and calmly I handled the situation.        


I have had to work and pray so often over the years for God to help me in this area of my life.  In the book of Matthew, Jesus talks about worry and there is a scripture I have had to go back to time and time again.  It says, "Seek first His Kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own."   (Matthew 6:33-34, NIV)  This scripture has been my constant prayer....that I would seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness and everything else will be taken care of....I'm so thankful for this promise.   I do believe I'm not the worrier I used to be and I know that a big part of that is because I've learned to lean on God for the peace that only He can bring.   


So the sixth thing I've learned in this countdown to my 40th birthday is that, "Worrying doesn't take away tomorrows troubles; it takes away todays peace"...author unknown.  I want to live in peace today and lean on God for all my tomorrows....   


             

From doctor's daughter....to pastor's wife: The dreaded "B" word!!

From doctor's daughter....to pastor's wife: The dreaded "B" word!!: I know it's not the "B" word you're probably thinking, but "Budgeting" is the word I'm talking about!! I just don't like it!! I like to ju...

The dreaded "B" word!!

I know it's not the "B" word you're probably thinking, but "Budgeting" is the word I'm talking about!! I just don't like it!!   I like to just spend on whatever I want to and not worry about next week or month or year and how much money we should be putting away.  I'm very much a 'fly by the seat of my pants' kind of gal.   Neither my husband nor I are real savvy when it comes to money, which makes it tough at times.  The good thing is he's definitely the practical one of the two of us and is not a spender like I am:)

I've been known to put a budget together, but after a couple of weeks and a fun shopping trip:), I usually blow it and give up.  I've decided though, that it's time to get serious about our finances and our future.  Now don't worry, we're paying all the bills just fine and we have a retirement plan, but I know there is so much more we could be doing better with our money.  I've really been convicted about being  better stewards with what we're blessed with and I know that without sticking closer to a budget, it won't happen.   I need the discipline of a budget or I'll blow it....I know myself too well:)  

It's crazy when I think back to when we were first married and wondered how we were ever going to survive financially, especially when we made the decision for me to stay home with our kids.  When I think about what Scott was making back then as a youth pastor in a small church, I can't believe we even had enough money to eat.  At the time I didn't like being what I considered to be poor, but I'm so glad we went through that now...it really makes me appreciate how far we've come.  I can remember my dad sitting me down after I got engaged to Scott and asking me if I realized how much money youth pastors make...I don't think I really did, but at that time I didn't care....I was just in love and that should have been enough...right??  I realized real fast that it was not!!  Those first years having to learn about money (or lack there of) was hard for me.  We still laugh about me crying one night early in our marriage about not having any money to spend shopping because that was my hobby (yes, I consider it a hobby:).  Being the compassionate, sensitive guy that he was, he told me that I needed to find a new hobby!!  I always tell him that he can never say I married him for his money (or his sensitivity)...it had to be love:)  We've come a loooonnnnnggggg way let me tell you.  We have way more than we need and live a great life...and shopping is still something I love to do....I've just learned how to bargain shop (most of the time:)!

So on Tuesday, the first day of November,  I went to the bank and took cash out for groceries, clothes, entertainment, etc. and put it in envelopes (yep, the old envelope system).  I'm more determined than ever to stick with it...and I feel like I'm ready for it!  For me, this means that my weekly (or bi-weekly) trips to Columbus to shop are not going to be happening as often, but I know that I don't need any more shoes or any more clothes though so it's ok!!  Believe it or not, I'm actually kind of excited about it!  We always talk about how we'd like to do more and give more and I really believe that in sticking closer to a budget it'll allow us the opportunity to do just that!  There are so many people in the world who have nothing....in fact,  I heard just a few weeks ago that if your family earns more than $50,000 a year, you're considered to be in the top 1% in the world....by the world's standards we are rich!!  For me though, I don't want it to be about being rich, but about giving back and helping others have a better quality of life.  I'm so thankful for all that has been given to me and my family....it's time for me to focus on giving back.

So another big step has been taken in my countdown to 40 and I'm growing so much in the process!  I love the accountability and encouragement I've received from so many that follow my blog!!  I appreciate the kind messages and dialogue that has come out of it.  I'm so thankful today for all of you!!